Is it just me or does everyone have "good looks" as a requirement while on the hunt for a spouse? Some may consider that to be the ONLY requirement. What is it about looks? Is the rest of our body a prisoner of the eyes and what pleases it?
Believe it or not there are people out there that may even reject someone because they have a big nose, height, or my personal favorite skin color is too light/dark. How can you judge someone based on that? These are things that are beyond people's control, they have been chosen and set by the Almighty (SWT). On that note, it is a creation of Allah swt, and who are we to criticize Allah (swt)'s creation? Is a short person going to be rejected from Jannah due to their height? Everyone looks for certain qualities but those qualities should concentrate on things that a person has control over i.e manners, education, goals and in some cases weight.
Did I just say weight? why yes I did....for SOME people. Let me explain, it is my own personal observation that over weight men tend to want slim women. Ok now some overweight men have serious issues where they cannot lose their weight due to their body type, metabolism and so on and so forth. But then there are those guys that are simply lazy, and sit around and eat mama's or aunt jemima's food all day. How can you expect a stick thin girl to be attracted to you? She's probably avoiding Aunt Jemima, Sara Lee and Lady Godiva just to keep herself in shape, and it ain't for pillsbury dough boy. Your weight will display how you take care of yourself, how often you work out, your diet and your lifestyle. Our bodies are an amanah to Allah swt, taking care of them is obligatory upon us.
Fine I understand you need to have some sort of attraction, but attraction comes in many forms. Some females are attracted to big sporty muscular guys or clean cut metro dude or a guy who is a book worm or or or an American born Muslim practicing his deen (wink wink). Attraction can be defined by hobbies, work, life style, and of course...looks. In my honest opinion, personality is what shapes a person's outward appearance. Do you know what I mean? If your a guy then you probably don't....and you may learn things the hard way! Basically in a nutshell, you meet someone pleasing to the eye, you have a convo with them and turns out their not that great and then realize they don't even look that good, on the other hand you find someone whose average, talk to them and they make you laugh, and they're interesting and you walk away with your heart set on that person and their smile and cute little eyes, and you tell yourself "she/he is the one"
Finally, we must remember our ultimate purpose in this life, which is to please Allah swt and attain Jannah. Your spouse can have a full package based on what is most important to you, and those who please and love Allah swt the most will ultimately be the most beautiful people. Its ok to be attracted to the person, but attraction comes in many forms and having that perfect nose and super model figure is not the only way to be beautiful.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Not-It Syndrome!
Some people are grateful for being blessed with fingers. Consequently, they rush in pointing them at others!
It's a process that we started early in our lives. When we were asked, in a silly voice, "where's mommy?", we just pointed at her. Then few years later, when we broke something or caused a mess, then were asked in an angry voice "who did this?", we nervously pointed fingers to the nearest sibling, or whomever our eyes laid on.
By time, we grow and we change, and the finger-pointing habit changes as well. Instead of blaming someone else for something we did, we simply stop noticing our mistakes, and all the blame magically shifts to the second or third person. When it comes to deen, it's no different!
Take for instance a girl with high fashion desires; she wears designers purses and sunglasses. It's true that her latest pair of glasses was worth what could have fed 10 families in Malawi for 6 months. But she's got pretty good excuse for herself. She's convinced that the design is comfortable, that the top notch technology used in the lens protects her eyes from dangerous UV rays which other generic brands can't beat, that she can afford it and the list goes on and on. She's being judged by her brother, who accuses her of spending foolishly and always reminds her that lousy spenders are compared to shaytan.
Little does he realize that he's not the one to talk. Maybe he doesn't have the taste for designer's brands, but he sure does have an addiction for new gadgets. He's pretty diplomatic in justifying the $500 worth MP3 player along with the wide array of different laptop platforms he owns.
Or the husband who's so uptight about his wife showing an inch of skin to non-mahrams, yet he has been in the habit of missing fajr prayer for a little over a year now!
And the crème de la crème; the guy who's looking to get married but actively excludes all girls who might have had any encounter with guys, even if it was a potential for marriage and simply didn't work out. Not realizing that he's got plenty of those himself.
Some people are just way too hard on others, and when they fail to always be good, understanding, compromising, forgiving, accommodating and caring, they simply put the blame on an nonnegotiable fact: "Sorry, I'm not perfect!"
Our Ummah could use a little bit of rationality. Yes, it's great to have compassionate individuals who care about each other and give advices for the sake of Allah... but let's just not point out the speck in others' eyes despite the blinding log in ours.
It's a process that we started early in our lives. When we were asked, in a silly voice, "where's mommy?", we just pointed at her. Then few years later, when we broke something or caused a mess, then were asked in an angry voice "who did this?", we nervously pointed fingers to the nearest sibling, or whomever our eyes laid on.
By time, we grow and we change, and the finger-pointing habit changes as well. Instead of blaming someone else for something we did, we simply stop noticing our mistakes, and all the blame magically shifts to the second or third person. When it comes to deen, it's no different!
The concept is still there and the underlying essence is the same. It's easier to notice what others do, but really hard- almost impossible- to see what we ourselves are doing.
Little does he realize that he's not the one to talk. Maybe he doesn't have the taste for designer's brands, but he sure does have an addiction for new gadgets. He's pretty diplomatic in justifying the $500 worth MP3 player along with the wide array of different laptop platforms he owns.
Or the husband who's so uptight about his wife showing an inch of skin to non-mahrams, yet he has been in the habit of missing fajr prayer for a little over a year now!
And the crème de la crème; the guy who's looking to get married but actively excludes all girls who might have had any encounter with guys, even if it was a potential for marriage and simply didn't work out. Not realizing that he's got plenty of those himself.
Some people are just way too hard on others, and when they fail to always be good, understanding, compromising, forgiving, accommodating and caring, they simply put the blame on an nonnegotiable fact: "Sorry, I'm not perfect!"
Our Ummah could use a little bit of rationality. Yes, it's great to have compassionate individuals who care about each other and give advices for the sake of Allah... but let's just not point out the speck in others' eyes despite the blinding log in ours.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Can I get a refund?
I recently went to an Islamic Conference, like all conferences they had a bazaar. It was a very small bazaar, one vendor for books, one vendor for hijabs/clothes, one for jewelry and the last one was a new one that I have never seen before, it was 2 brothers representing an organization by the name of Global Deaf Muslims. They had pamphlets containing information about their organization. They were also selling shirts, it had the word 'Salaam' on it as well as the notion of saying Salaam in sign language. The shirt was $15 for long sleeves and $10 for half sleeves, which is typically how much shirts cost at these sorts of events. I decided to go ahead and purchase a shirt from them, the way I was communicating with them was through writing notes. As I was writing, I noticed and couldn't help but read what the previous note said. The previous person wrote, "Brother, can I get a refund for the shirt?". Reading that absolutely broke my heart, how heartless and insensitive can our people be? Even if you didn't like the shirt or changed your mind later on, was it absolutely necessary to return it? Don't people know that the $10-$15 they spent went to a good cause? This isn't just your every day vendor, this is an organization that puts money towards our brothers and sisters who have a disability. Helping them by educating Imams and creating events and lectures that help these individuals increase their iman and further educating them on how to be faithful to Allah swt.
This incident got me thinking about our "Muslim" countries. In Pakistan, there is a center that houses down syndrome children/adults. Parents choose to just leave their children at these centers and SOME will visit their children, while others don't even turn back around. Doctors have even claimed that many parents from America/Canada come and leave their children in this center. I understand a child with down syndrome requires a lot of work and time, however it is YOUR child that Allah swt has given to you.
Similarly, I knew of a boy who could not speak or hear. He used to live in a Muslim country and was treated horribly. He would not be able to leave his home, he had no life nor any sort of program he could engage himself in. Why is it that in most "Muslim" countries, people with a handicap or medical condition are in solitude and shut away from the world? Yet, in the U.S.A they have programs, treatments, support groups, and most importantly a life they can enjoy and live. Most university campuses have centers for disabled in which they can go hang out, have games/activities and basically live a normal life like everyone else.
It made me think back to Yasir Qadhi's lecture on 'Social Work', and the lack of Muslim involvement. Why is it we're on top of our Masjid fundraising or sending money back "home" and yet when it comes to helping the needy here we turn our backs? Money is not the only way to give charity but rather your time and participation are essential as well. Why aren't we at soup kitchens passing out food to the less fortunate? Why don't our masjids host food or clothing drives for organizations or people here in the U.S? Why can't we support groups such as Global Deaf Muslims? Aren't all of these important? Aren't all these things an obligation on us as Muslims?
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon Him) once said “The Muslim Ummah is like one body. If the eye is in pain then the whole body is in pain and if the head is in pain then the whole body is in pain”, the issue is that we don't feel the pain of the whole body. Our responsibilities are all over the place, some are right (such as fundraising at a Masjid which is VERY important) but most of our responsibilities end up neglected.
If we choose to neglect the handicaps or less fortunate individuals of our Ummah, then we risk losing them. I know of a girl who has a disability but she hates going to Muslim events because she feels out casted. She likes to go to school and feels much more comfortable at non Muslim gatherings. She is losing interest in Islam, due to her interactions with Muslims. Sadly, she is not seeing true Muslims, she is witnessing sheer insensitivity that strongly goes against our beautiful deen.
Sadly, in our Ummah spending $15 on a hijab or $60 on an abayah is much more significant then donating $15 to an organization that will benefit many Muslims.
This incident got me thinking about our "Muslim" countries. In Pakistan, there is a center that houses down syndrome children/adults. Parents choose to just leave their children at these centers and SOME will visit their children, while others don't even turn back around. Doctors have even claimed that many parents from America/Canada come and leave their children in this center. I understand a child with down syndrome requires a lot of work and time, however it is YOUR child that Allah swt has given to you.
Similarly, I knew of a boy who could not speak or hear. He used to live in a Muslim country and was treated horribly. He would not be able to leave his home, he had no life nor any sort of program he could engage himself in. Why is it that in most "Muslim" countries, people with a handicap or medical condition are in solitude and shut away from the world? Yet, in the U.S.A they have programs, treatments, support groups, and most importantly a life they can enjoy and live. Most university campuses have centers for disabled in which they can go hang out, have games/activities and basically live a normal life like everyone else.
It made me think back to Yasir Qadhi's lecture on 'Social Work', and the lack of Muslim involvement. Why is it we're on top of our Masjid fundraising or sending money back "home" and yet when it comes to helping the needy here we turn our backs? Money is not the only way to give charity but rather your time and participation are essential as well. Why aren't we at soup kitchens passing out food to the less fortunate? Why don't our masjids host food or clothing drives for organizations or people here in the U.S? Why can't we support groups such as Global Deaf Muslims? Aren't all of these important? Aren't all these things an obligation on us as Muslims?
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon Him) once said “The Muslim Ummah is like one body. If the eye is in pain then the whole body is in pain and if the head is in pain then the whole body is in pain”, the issue is that we don't feel the pain of the whole body. Our responsibilities are all over the place, some are right (such as fundraising at a Masjid which is VERY important) but most of our responsibilities end up neglected.
If we choose to neglect the handicaps or less fortunate individuals of our Ummah, then we risk losing them. I know of a girl who has a disability but she hates going to Muslim events because she feels out casted. She likes to go to school and feels much more comfortable at non Muslim gatherings. She is losing interest in Islam, due to her interactions with Muslims. Sadly, she is not seeing true Muslims, she is witnessing sheer insensitivity that strongly goes against our beautiful deen.
Sadly, in our Ummah spending $15 on a hijab or $60 on an abayah is much more significant then donating $15 to an organization that will benefit many Muslims.
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